Since this sorta came up in another thread, I guess I'll just dump it all here.
Over the last year, before I stepped away from here, I was pretty much a raging dickhead. To a lot of people. A lot of the time. There were many reasons for it, not that it gives me a pass or anything on why. But some of it, maybe.
Late in 2010, and into 2011, my relationship with my ex was falling apart. We had been together something like 6 years at this point, but it hadn't been healthy for some time. The holidays in '10 sucked, and I had already made the decision that things needed to end. That in and of itself was very hard for me to do; This was the woman I was convinced I was going to marry at one point. I had spent the last 2+ years doing everything to make it work, and it just wasn't happening.
It wasn't a quick break. She stopped staying at the house, but she was still around a lot. She wasn't convinced that I was serious about us being done, and she was hoping I'd change my mind. I wasn't. She started moving out slowly, but then turned into a raging bitch. Every time I saw here, it was worse. Finally, after about 3 months of this, she finally moved the last of her things out.
Even then, she created drama, all in the hopes that I would change my mind. It just made things worse for me. The effective 5 months of breakup really took a toll on me in a lot of ways. I turned into a complete raging asshole, and a lot of people here got the brunt of that because I was around so much. The combination of everything was just too much for me to take.
As the summer went on I got a little better, as time and space will usually do. I felt like I was past the worst of it, and was coming to terms with things a little better. My ex and I had talked a little bit, and they were rational adult conversations as opposed the screaming matches I had gotten used to over the years. However, in September, that all changed.
The night before one of my camping trips to Canada, I got a text message from her. Don't really recall what it was about, but I ended up just getting on the phone. In that phone conversation, she told me, completely out of left field, that she was gay, and been hiding it since she was 12 years old. This hit me like a ton of bricks, primarily because to me, it meant that our entire relationship had been built on a lie. What happened in the ensuing months isn't important, but I returned to being that raging asshole again, even worse than before. And, since hockey season was starting, that again resulted in me lashing out here at people, usually for no good reason. I lost two good friends over it, simply because they couldn't handle what I had turned into.
Things are generally better now. Again, time helps, plus she has moved out of state with her girlfriend, so I won't have to deal with certain things that I had to with her still living here. Have my moments, but few and far between. It's all in the past where it belongs.
All that being said, I feel like I owe pretty much everyone an apology. I know I pissed off a lot of people, and I regret it. I'm not asking for forgiveness, but I thought if people understood all the bullshit I was going through at the time, it might help some.
I'm not sure if any of this needed to be said or not, but there it is.
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