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Hockey

1.0. Don't do anything to embarrass yourself, your opponent or the game.

1.1. Don't celebrate an empty-net goal. Hot-shot rookie Ilya Kovalchuk violated this rule in 2003, completing his hat trick with an empty-net goal and then pumping his fist as he skated by the opponents' bench. "Ah, he's young, he'll learn," said NHL tough guy Tie Domi. "I'm sure somebody has spoken to him about it."

2.0. Play the game the right way.

2.1. Fighting is acceptable, but retribution with intent to injure is not. The Canucks' Todd Bertuzzi violated the rule last March when he sucker-punched Colorado's Steve Moore from behind and then drove him into the ice, breaking three vertebrae and putting Moore's career in jeopardy. Although Bertuzzi violated no written code, he was banned for the year. "If you want to ban fighting, things will just get more out of control," said Calgary forward Krzysztof Oliwa. "What happened had nothing to do with fighting. That wasn't fighting. That was a cheap shot."

2.15. Always observe Hammurabi's Code ("an eye for an eye"). If your star player is done wrong, someone has to play, and vice versa.

2.2. If you've got it coming to you, take your punishment. It's theorized that had Moore properly "answered the bell" by accepting challenges from other Canucks earlier in the game, it would have ended with that. Moore was a marked man: A month earlier, he made a controversial hit to Canucks captain Markus Naslund, knocking him out for three games. The Canucks had vowed revenge.

2.3. Don't challenge players to a fight when wearing a visor.

2.35. If you're going to "dangle your gloves," you have to drop them -- don't fake it to draw your opponent into a penalty.

2.4. Always give your goalie's pads a tap with your stick before the game starts.

2.5. Don't shoot the puck on net after the whistle blows.

2.6. Never clear the zone up the middle -- use the boards.

2.7. Keep your head up through the neutral zone. Scott Stevens may be lurking.

2.8. Don't give the opposing goalie a "snow job," spraying ice chips in his face with your skates, unless you want to pay.

2.9. If a player on your team has two goals, do all you can to get him a hat trick.

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3.0 "Go after Peters, don't go after my fucking captain"

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Hold my beer and watch this...