Ehh, it's hard because I like how I look after I've lost the weight. It's just that nothing fits. Fat people complain when they can't wear certain clothes because they don't come in sizes large enough and I'm complaining because I can't wear certain clothes because they don't come small enough.
I don't really want to have to resort shopping in the little girl's section at Sears for clothes. haha
My problem really lies only in my professional attire and some dresses. Some of it just doesn't seem to come small enough, especially in the waist. I can find shirts and everything fine, it's the pants. I think women's pants are always awkward and inconsistent, though. No size is universal even within the same brand sometimes. I never thought I would lose this much weight, though, and keep it off (thanks to surgery). It feels good, but sometimes I also feel emaciated, like when I see my spine poke out.
It's really strange how much emphasis is placed on body image. I mean, it's not weird because it happens all the time, but it's something I think about a lot. I'm more self-conscious of my figure now than I ever was before. A lot of people don't even notice I had surgery, and just comment on the weight loss. It's weird for me. I talk about my weight a lot more than I used to because I'm just so weirded it out by it now. I weigh like 102 or 103 pounds now. Sometimes I'm afraid people think I'm bragging when I'm just issuing a legit concern in my head. I used to weigh a comfortable 123 pounds before surgery. The pounds just melted off at about one per day for the first 15 days after surgery and has slowly continued to drop off until now (surgery was at the end of May). Going through a change that drastically was a little scary? I guess. Hard to explain. Weight just plays a huge game in my head. I've never obsessed over it until now. Odd, right? Most people want to lose weight and are happy and satisfied. I feel weird and perhaps guilty? about mine. Some people work so hard to lose weight and I lost it in a fast and unconventional way, when arguably I didn't need to in the first place. I will admit, though, that it completely sucked during the time because I was only eating, and by eating I mean drinking, like 200 calories a day for a while after surgery. I hated those diet drinks. My appetite still hasn't returned to normal. I can go for hours without eating and feel fine. I eat less when I do eat than I did before. I know it's all an adjustment, but it's still a weird thing for me, considering how much I love food. I know I don't have an eating disorder because I don't hate eating and avoid it, I think my body can just get by with less now. Weird, weird, weird.
Phil and Missy would definitely say I've become grossly skinny.
Not that I'm saying that's a bad thing, because everyone is entitled to their own opinions and has their own views on what they find attractive, and I understand what their preference is. I just wanted to add this disclaimer that I'm saying it with a sense of humor and not douche baggery.
I feel like I just went on a Jael-esque rant (not a bad thing! I promise).
Guess I had some shit to get off my chest.
To the three people I said in this post, I'm definitely kidding and trying to be funny (which I usually don't succeed at, so I'll take that joke away from the rest of you
) so please don't take offense.
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