End The Curse wrote:
This is not directed at anyone in particular, on or off the boards. Just based on personal experience in my life.
I doubt any one who fit this description would being reading this, and see themselves in that particular light. Selfish people are just that; they don't think anything applies to them, preferring to blame the other person. People just don't want to accept responsibility for any contribution (or lack thereof) in the demise of a relationship/marriage. "You drove me to (fill in the blank)" or some variation on the same theme. If you hear it enough, you eventually internalize it. After being stonewalled enough times trying to confront an issue, either head on, calmly and rationally, in writing, tears, yelling, however one chooses to make themselves heard and tries to get their POV across and is invalidated with a negative response, or worse, indifference, eventually you become resigned to "this is the way it is always going to be".
A person can only drink from a well for just so long before it runs dry because they do not put anything back into it.
People make promises (in and out of marriage); then break them, or deny they even said it, which is also a frustrating thing in and of itself, which has me alternately question my sanity, and angry that someone could so blatantly sit there and lie to me by denying what I know I heard.
If someone is selfish in bed, it is pretty much the end of the road, as the old adage says: "Sex is the last thing to go between two people". A big, flashing red light is when you cease to have things in common anymore, and if you don't communicate about it honestly instead of brushing it off, it just gets worse. When someone (in particular, my last husband) always seems to dictate what you do, to the exclusion of any of the other partner's hopes, wishes and desires, it saddens and embitters me. It was always about him and what he wanted. There was no money or time to do what I wanted (I am not that demanding, just ask for some equality), but he sure as hell had time and money if it was something he wanted (which often did not include me).
PuckSniperPensel wrote: I think everyone has different preferences, and that nobody is right or wrong.
Some prefer the emotional attachment. Others just like the sensation.
It stems from one's priorities.
Some value companionship. Others value freedom and an unpredictable and exciting life.
I also believe that men and women are not exclusive to either one of these character traits.
I agree, PSP, but when a partner invalidates the other, or they are so out of sync when they were not previously, it is a bitter pill to swallow.
Nothing wrong with a good roll in the hay, provided both parties are in agreement and understand the arrangement. The problem comes into play when one changes the rules and the other still has expectations based on the old "rules".
When two people were on the same page for a long time, then suddenly no longer appear to be going in the same direction, it sucks.
I also think that the trait is not exclusive to males, but it seems that the majority of selfish people are men. Or maybe it was the partners I chose. Women (at least I do) tend to be nurturers and caregivers, often putting what we want and need on the back burner in hopes of showing another by example what is wanted and needed.
<my apologies for hijacking the thread>
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