Not to be a complete asshat....but wow do your wife's friends suck

Tranquilizer darts?

But seriously, it's well within your rights as a parent who has more experience (your middle child is as old as her eldest) to offer suggestions. Flat-out telling her shit isn't gonna fly (parents ESP don't like being told what to do, but you know this) but coming at it from a "I've been through this, why don't you try" perspective ought to make headway.

Is she hot atleast? Because that pretty well determines the advice I'm going to give

She used to be, then her husband deployed to Iraq and she gained 30 pounds.

so sexing her would give her exercise and help her back in shape. just saying.

does she apologize for the kids behaviour? if she doesnt, she may not even be aware how obnoxious they are. if she does, shes probably aware, but hasnt a clue how to go about it.

Yeah she knows...I think. She'll get to the point eventually where she starts laying down the law but it takes a lot. Usually I have to get visually frustrated before she steps in. At the same time i should add that though her house is always clean, she won't lift a finger to clean up here. She won't clean after dinner, take care of her girl's plates or even fold up the blanket she uses when she sleeps over. She sits here texting. She's overwhelmed I know but she's just given up.

I find that people get very defensive when you try to give parenting advice. It's like your well-meant suggestion is a personal attack on their parenting. This is a tough one. But it being your home, you have the right to require civil behavior from visitors.

With the neighborhood kids who come by to play (and these kids have 0 discipline at home) we are very direct and straightforward. We insist they ask to play with toys, and behave in a respectful manner. With these kids who are little terrors the rest of their lives, they're actually rather well behaved at our house. Unfortunately, you situation is different because their mother is there, so the responsibility for enforcing civility falls on her shoulders. If she's shirking that responsibility, it can become quite touchy.

My suggestion would be for your wife to make any comments, not you (you heathen!). It's her friend. But just lay down some ground rules for visits, then leave it up to your wife's friend to enforce it herself.

Ham

practice your skills at ignoring.

crosscheck has said it before and i've heard it from my (not much older) aunts and uncles. parents don't want advice from other parents unless it's solicited.

I'm not talking about a lecture on how she should raise these girls. I'm just tired of her letting them tear my house up. I'm not ignoring any of that. During one visit over here they drew on a drawing of mine that had about ten hours of work into it. It was away on my desk and after being told not to go near my stuff they did anyway and what did their mommy do? Nothing. Also when those girls have no guidance it makes my kids act like idiots too. Hard to explain to them why they are getting in trouble and her girls aren't.

i misunderstood. i thought you were mad because the the tantrums and stuff. i didn't realize they were trashing your stuff.