acrossthelines wrote:
I'm not sure, but I often believe I fail at friendship because I completely lack the subjectivity most people take for granted in any kind of relationship. I do not think of my friends as being any better or more important than anyone else on the planet, and I will not "side" with different friends purely because I am "closer" to them than others (same with family, and that has actually caused problems in the past lol). Basically, that sort of thing is typically looked at as a given in friendships, at least between women, for the most part... However, I've had friends tell me that they really appreciate that objectivity, and they always come to me for advice especially in interpersonal issues. Sometimes it causes anger, though, so I'm not sure how much they actually appreciate it haha.
As far as what friendship is... I don't even really know. I never had friends until college, and I still think a lot about what defines different kinds of relationships. There are nine people that I regularly hang out with at school, and I could tell anything to two of them. I can be my full self around three of them. Those three are probably my friends. I think I will fall out of contact with the rest of them after graduation (not including Facebook/the internet... come on, that doesn't count). I don't see friendship as that big a deal, though. Most people are pretty similar, and there will always be other people (though I SUCK at forming relationships with new people; I really can't do it unless we're all thrown into the same environment where we don't know anyone else, basically college), and when it comes to people for me it's mostly out of sight, out of mind (there are a couple exceptions, and I want to keep them around). I don't often express that view to friends, though, because of the insecurities I know it would give most of them. Well, going by that I could actually only tell anything to one friend. lol Anyway...
As far as what friendship is... I don't even really know. I never had friends until college, and I still think a lot about what defines different kinds of relationships. There are nine people that I regularly hang out with at school, and I could tell anything to two of them. I can be my full self around three of them. Those three are probably my friends. I think I will fall out of contact with the rest of them after graduation (not including Facebook/the internet... come on, that doesn't count). I don't see friendship as that big a deal, though. Most people are pretty similar, and there will always be other people (though I SUCK at forming relationships with new people; I really can't do it unless we're all thrown into the same environment where we don't know anyone else, basically college), and when it comes to people for me it's mostly out of sight, out of mind (there are a couple exceptions, and I want to keep them around). I don't often express that view to friends, though, because of the insecurities I know it would give most of them. Well, going by that I could actually only tell anything to one friend. lol Anyway...
I'm more or less with Jael on this one. I tend to be more objective and will not hesitate to tell most of my friends the straight up truth. However, with my closest friends, I try and realize when they're in a situation where they don't need the truth, they need an ally.
I also suck at forming relationships with new people. My first year in college, all my friendships were formed meeting people through a classmate whom I had been close with in high school. Perhaps if I didn't have the crutch of someone I already knew I would have been better.
All through my life I've generally had a few close friends, not many casual acquaintances, and never hung out in large groups. That's still true today, though I am more comfortable in groups of people with similar interests (hello meet and greets
).There are maybe five people in my life that I would be completely open and honest about everything with.
