Anyone have any good ways of cleaning/de-stinking hockey equipment?

I used to lay it out and Febreeze the hell out of it but thats not really cutting it anymore.

This will solve all your problems. Noticed you were in Chicago and I saw there is a store in Glenview - Offensive Zone. Don't know how close it is but I hope it helps.

The only issue I've had with any gear has been my gloves. A few years ago, I had two pairs I was switching back and forth from week to week, but one pair started to bring some better luck so I stuck with them for a little while. Soon enough, they started to smell like death so I decided to give them a cleaning and figured I might as well wash the other pair as well. Lesson learned; don't wash them in the same water. I thought they had been rinsed and dried well enough but what happened next was during the next game. My hands broke out into big red blotches and started to burn like crazy and it scared the shit out of me. A quick trip to the drug store for Benadryl, next the hospital and then Canadian tire for some new gloves had me back in the game the same afternoon.

Since then, I use an industrial strength spray called, "NOK-OUT" and once my gloves get that familiar funk, it's time to chuck them and get a new pair. Not taking any chances like that again.

It can get expensive having to buy gloves this often, but I’d sooner keep my digits.

buncha fucking prudes.

Bacteria grows in the sunlight,
Your stuff is probably riddled with more bacteria then ever.

Wrong. The UV light in sunshine is BAD for most microbes, bacteria included. We even use isolated UV rays to sterilize equipment used in cleanrooms, sterile medias, etc etc.