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SabreWolf
PostPosted: Sat Aug 21, 2010 10:33 am 
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It's been easy to lose sight of what friendship means anymore. With the advent of social networking sites like Facebook, there's been this phenomenon where we've been able to feel like we're remaining friends by checking each others' statuses without ever actually communicating on a personal level. Being part of a person's life without really being part of that person's life. Weird. You get to feel connected without making the effort of connection.

But even before that friendship was weird, because I made a mental distinction between friends and acquaintances at a level that most of my friends and acquaintances did not. So people at university say, "Wow, you have tons of friends," but to me really I am on friendly greeting terms with many people, but only have a few people that I would really consider friends. Which is why it also strikes me as odd when people ask whether someone has a few close friends or a larger network of less intimate friends, because to me that's not an either/or thing: I think many of us have both, even socially anxious, severely introverted people.

A friend is someone whom I trust and respect and usually like and am willing to be honest with even when honesty sucks, and whom I will be there for regardless of circumstances, and whom I trust would do the same to/for me. I wouldn't say a friend is someone who only wants your highest happiness, because I want to be part of my friends' lives, not the center of their lives -- is unrequited friendship really friendship? If someone will do anything for your happiness, but you hate their guts, is that friendship or is it obsession?

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acrossthelines
PostPosted: Sat Aug 21, 2010 12:39 pm 
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I'm not sure, but I often believe I fail at friendship because I completely lack the subjectivity most people take for granted in any kind of relationship. I do not think of my friends as being any better or more important than anyone else on the planet, and I will not "side" with different friends purely because I am "closer" to them than others (same with family, and that has actually caused problems in the past lol). Basically, that sort of thing is typically looked at as a given in friendships, at least between women, for the most part... However, I've had friends tell me that they really appreciate that objectivity, and they always come to me for advice especially in interpersonal issues. Sometimes it causes anger, though, so I'm not sure how much they actually appreciate it haha.

As far as what friendship is... I don't even really know. I never had friends until college, and I still think a lot about what defines different kinds of relationships. There are nine people that I regularly hang out with at school, and I could tell anything to two of them. I can be my full self around three of them. Those three are probably my friends. I think I will fall out of contact with the rest of them after graduation (not including Facebook/the internet... come on, that doesn't count). I don't see friendship as that big a deal, though. Most people are pretty similar, and there will always be other people (though I SUCK at forming relationships with new people; I really can't do it unless we're all thrown into the same environment where we don't know anyone else, basically college), and when it comes to people for me it's mostly out of sight, out of mind (there are a couple exceptions, and I want to keep them around). I don't often express that view to friends, though, because of the insecurities I know it would give most of them. Well, going by that I could actually only tell anything to one friend. lol Anyway...

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BlueandYellow
PostPosted: Sat Aug 21, 2010 1:00 pm 
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Well, I reserve the term "Best friends" for the friends I like the most. If I know somebody and I've hung out with them before, and I know their name, I consider them a friend.

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Skyline_BNR34
PostPosted: Sat Aug 21, 2010 3:09 pm 
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Those people we consider best friends are the ones will still actually hang out with after we graduate high school.

Friends are ones we occasionally text or chat on facebook with but never really hang out.

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CriminallyVu1gar
PostPosted: Sat Aug 21, 2010 3:23 pm 
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acrossthelines wrote:
I'm not sure, but I often believe I fail at friendship because I completely lack the subjectivity most people take for granted in any kind of relationship. I do not think of my friends as being any better or more important than anyone else on the planet, and I will not "side" with different friends purely because I am "closer" to them than others (same with family, and that has actually caused problems in the past lol). Basically, that sort of thing is typically looked at as a given in friendships, at least between women, for the most part... However, I've had friends tell me that they really appreciate that objectivity, and they always come to me for advice especially in interpersonal issues. Sometimes it causes anger, though, so I'm not sure how much they actually appreciate it haha.

As far as what friendship is... I don't even really know. I never had friends until college, and I still think a lot about what defines different kinds of relationships. There are nine people that I regularly hang out with at school, and I could tell anything to two of them. I can be my full self around three of them. Those three are probably my friends. I think I will fall out of contact with the rest of them after graduation (not including Facebook/the internet... come on, that doesn't count). I don't see friendship as that big a deal, though. Most people are pretty similar, and there will always be other people (though I SUCK at forming relationships with new people; I really can't do it unless we're all thrown into the same environment where we don't know anyone else, basically college), and when it comes to people for me it's mostly out of sight, out of mind (there are a couple exceptions, and I want to keep them around). I don't often express that view to friends, though, because of the insecurities I know it would give most of them. Well, going by that I could actually only tell anything to one friend. lol Anyway...


I'm more or less with Jael on this one. I tend to be more objective and will not hesitate to tell most of my friends the straight up truth. However, with my closest friends, I try and realize when they're in a situation where they don't need the truth, they need an ally.

I also suck at forming relationships with new people. My first year in college, all my friendships were formed meeting people through a classmate whom I had been close with in high school. Perhaps if I didn't have the crutch of someone I already knew I would have been better.

All through my life I've generally had a few close friends, not many casual acquaintances, and never hung out in large groups. That's still true today, though I am more comfortable in groups of people with similar interests (hello meet and greets :)).

There are maybe five people in my life that I would be completely open and honest about everything with.

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sabresrocker56
PostPosted: Sat Aug 21, 2010 9:35 pm 
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I remember when I was sophomore, me and some friends wrote and recorded a song called "Friendship and Root Beer" So I think friendship involves root beer. Man I wish I could get a hold of that Mp3.

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jvaccaro6
PostPosted: Sat Aug 21, 2010 9:37 pm 
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I define a friend as someone who will get naked with me, and then cook me breakfast in the morning...I dont have many friends... :lol:

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daz28
PostPosted: Sat Aug 21, 2010 11:29 pm 
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I think the term 'friend' has kind of morphed from "someone who will do anything for you" into "someone who will do something for you". I think to some extent 'friendship' has been replaced with 'networking'. Some of you may not even understand what I'm saying(old fart thing).


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