My wife and I are trying to start a family. But due to our age and some other factors, we have had trouble conceiving. We have decided to adopt and are in the early stages of the process. Because of that, I'm interested in hearing about people's experiences with adoption. Were you adopted? Has anyone adopted a child? Have any family members or close friends adopted or been adopted themselves? What were your experiences with adoption? Anything that was particularly rewarding, challenging, or frustrating? Any advice for me and my wife?

Any feedback would be appreciated.

All joking aside, I know several families who have adopted and from advice they have heard and experienced that depending on how you want to deal with a new child you should consider several ages to adopt at. They say that if you want to start as if the child was your own and would love the opportunity to do all the parental stuff then adopt a baby but how you handle telling them that they are adopted is your choice. My neighbors had to do that and it was successful since they told the kid at like 10ish so he was old enough to understand but not too old to feel betrayed as he wasn't quite into the "I hate my parents" phase.

They also say that if you wish to skip all the changing and sleepless nights filled with crying then adopt somewhere around 4-6 years old because by then they know how to function at least somewhat and are aware that they are adopted so you skip that whole deal.

Lots of choices but I guess it all depends on what you want to do, as long as the child is raised right then it really wouldnt matter.

It's expensive and risky, complete with any extent of fraud depending on where you adopt.

I would try the route of Raising Arizona, and find a good baby to steal from a group of quints.

I don't have much to offer, but I remember Junior year of college my advisor took a sabbatical to adopt a child from overseas (China I believe). She wound up missing two semesters, but was ultimately successful.

My gf's mom was also adopted, I'll ask her about it.

_________________
Proud LGBTQQ Individual

1980- I've actually thought of the same thing myself. Probably has something to do with the fact that Raising Arizona is one of my favorite movies. Of course, that didn't work out for them in the end.

Hockeyplaya- We're probably going to be adopting a newborn to get the full baby experience (sleepless nights and all).

We are already working with an agency, which I should have said in the OP. We were referred to them by a mother who adopted through them. It will be expensive and risky, but I feel confident that there won't be any fraud with them.

Many of the questions I have concern things like open adoption (where you tell the child right from the beginning about the adoption and have some contact with the birth mother) vs. closed (for lack of a better word), and adopting a child of another race.

Raising Arizona has been my favorite movie ever since I first watched it 1988. I even like the music, and the various versions of Down In The Willow Garden.

My two closest friends are both adopted actually. One was very lucky and the family that adopted him was loaded and very...shall we say....country clubish? The other was adopted by a great family but his mother was diagnosed with cancer when he was two and he's dealt with that his whole life. Neither of them know their biological parents and think of their adopted parents as their only family. They both have done well and it was all about love.

_________________

That's what were hoping. Hockeyplaya said something very similar. Thanks for the info though, it's good to hear that.

no one would ever suspect them of having a less than "normal" childhood, but then again what is normal? Pour yourself into the work of being a parent and you and your child will both be better off for it. Good luck!

_________________

Yeah, I'm adopted, but I only think of my parents that have raised me as my parents.

_________________
Sophomore Bitches! Class of 2014!
R.I.P. Molly B. 5/28/96-5/23/11

best of luck, stUUu'u;

_________________

My ex-wife's adopted brother found out the hard way. I guess his parents wanted him to be "their" child and never tell him. Well he ended up finding his birth certificate at around age 14 or so. It took a few months but things were fine again. But it was hell for a little while. The whole family is good and he is now a CAPT in the USMC flying F18's.

_________________
--Scott

Thanks for the encouragement and the stories everybody. We've decided that when we adopt, it will be an open adoption to avoid the kind of situation burner mentioned. If we end up with a child of another race, I guess being open will be the only choice anyway.

The world is insanely over-populated, and even though I could help to create kids of my own I would rather adopt if the time ever comes that I want a family.

The only thing I know about it is that is is EXTREMELY difficult to adopt an American child, but very easy to adopt one from another country. Doesn't make sense but very few things about American government really do.

I wish you the best of luck, happiness, and I think you're doing a great thing.

_________________
"I love that you know how to do that." Cheryl/Carol/Crystal

"And I love that I have an erection that doesn't involve homeless people." Kreiger