Can we just take Stafford out back and give him the Old Yeller treatment?

After sitting at home all afternoon we decided to go out and get some Umbergers and have some Brewers. One thing led to another and we ended up also having some Jagr Bombs. At this point I couldn’t see too Cleary but I noticed a broad out on the dance floor wearing a real short Latendresse. After dancing for a while she told me she wanted to take me home to her house in Pominville.
This chick definitely had more Weight than I did but I’m a sucker for Brunettes. I had too many Brieres to realize she was Fata so I went home with her, I mean it happens to the best of us. She was pretty Eager and went for my Nabokov right away. She was Osgood at handling my Pohl and even played with my Sakic. After she was done Kotalik’ing my Johnson I could tell she was Ouellet me Tucker.
There was not a chance I was going Downey on her so instead I Tkachuk’ed her on the bed. I got her on her Backstrom, and Bonk’ed her. I could tell that she really liked it Ruff. She wanted to have sex Iginla and I told her “You have to be Jokinen, I’m way too tired, there is no way I can give you any Moore.” This chick was crazy and I wouldn’t have been surprised if she asked me to Murray her, I needed to get Holmstrom.
I still wasn’t ready so I decided to Cincinnati Robitaille her first. I tried to Warrener her that I was close but it was too late. “Don’t Vanek,” I said, “I’ll be ready to go in 5 minutes.” I decided to Staal and went to her bathroom to take a Zhitnik. When I came back she was naked and I realized that she didn’t Schaefer since she was pretty Woolley below the belt.
I waited for her to fall asleep and then I was Gonchar. It was a god damn Fleury outside and there was at least 3 inches of Snow. I was Friesen so I decided to call a Kaberle. When I woke up the next morning I realized I had a Boyle on my Wellwood, everytime I took a piss there was a Sharp pain. Guess I should’ve worn a Domi. Needless to say I never Calder, you can Guerin that!

holy shit miller you gotta be on that puck boy lol... jesus it was just layin there

MacArthur with a great defensive play.

Please mark down that I actually said this for posterity.